My Modest Proposal

The United States is seen as the most powerful country in the world, yet we spend millions of American tax dollars on petty crimes such as prostitution. Our economy is somewhat in danger right now, so why do we continue to spend absurd amounts of money on arresting people for consenting to sex in exchange for money. Don’t we have real rapists, child molesters, burglars, and murderers to arrest? Why do we still insist on acting as if prostitution is such a burden on our society?
A clear solution to our poor economy would be prostitution. The actual act of a prostitute and her customer agreeing on an exchange of money for sex violates no one’s rights. It costs $2,000/case to arrest, court, and incarcerate a prostitute. Cities spend from $1 million to $23 million dollars, for an average of $7.5 million dollars, on prostitution-control. Even though so much money has been spent on trying to prevent prostitution, it still has not been stopped. It only continues through underground places where prostitutes are in greater danger. If we were to legalize prostitution, it would create a plethora of job opportunities for young men and women who cannot find a place for themselves in any other career.
I propose that we legalize prostitution, and make it a noble career that people may perform if they choose to do so. A school would be made that specifically catered to the practice of prostitution called The Institute of Advanced Prostitution. Our students would start off their freshman year with core classes such as business management, self defense, and advertising. Once they have learned the business skills to be successful, they will move on to more in depth classes that teach them how to choose a pimp that fits them, how to estimate costs, and how to present themselves to prospective customers. IAP will be devoted to make the most skilled and well educated prostitutes the world has ever seen. Their final project will consist of following through with an appointment run by the school, and if their methods and services are satisfactory, they will be permitted to graduate. After graduation prostitutes may either choose to live in a brothel with their fellow graduates or run an independent business with a pimp.
Creating certified prostitutes will help the economy with created more credible jobs for the people of the United States. These prostitutes will also be checked regularly for STD’s so that none of their clients will ever be in danger. Prostitution will soon become a thriving business in America that anyone can be a part of. One day this practice will be accepted among our society and the economy will thrive greatly from legalizing this harmless practice.

Naked Lunch

While telling the story of a rekindling couple in "Naked Lunch", Michael Hollinger uses unequivocal irony, descriptive imagery, and excessive characterization in order to display the inequality of men and women in abusive relationships.

Suburban

Shifting from seriousness to sarcasm in "Suburban", John Ciardi uses nonchalant tone in order to display a sense of fake friendliness within neighbors of the suburbs.

That Awkward Moment When.....

You think that you are somewhat of a decent driver, until an evil man named Trooper McCarthy tells you differently. It was our last beach trip of the summer. I was driving me and my friends to Old Silver even though i was not quite legal to drive anyone yet for another three weeks. I decided it would be a good idea to go in the left lane of the highway, since it was moving faster than all of the others. I began going about 75 miles per hour in that lane just like the rest of traffic, when i noticed a state trooper car on the side of the highway. I immediately panicked (as i usually do whenever i see a cop on the side of the road, even if i am doing nothing wrong) and began to look in my rear view mirror frequently to see if he was following me. I saw that he actually did pull out of his hiding spot and began to panic even more. After about five minutes went by he still hadn't pulled me over and my friends calmed me down so i continued to drive normally. I decided to look in my rear view mirror again and noticed the state trooper was driving very close right behind me. He then turned on his lights signaling me to pull over. I was so flustered and scared that I actually ended up pulling over to the LEFT side of the road. I had never been pulled over before and was oblivious to the fact that i should have pulled to the right. The state trooper then proceeded to stop all traffic, get out of his car, and screamed at me over the intercom in his car. I then pulled over to the right side of the road and was screamed at him for a very long time as he angrily explained to me every idiotic thing i did wrong. I felt so stupid and was so embarrassed that i made such a ridiculous mistake. If I get pulled over again, at least I'll have Trooper McCarthy's evil presence in mind as i pull over to the right side of the road.